just read through a bunch of posts from right after tour, when we were all raving about how fucking fun it was and how much we already missed it
i’m an idiot, why why did i do that why
goddamn it seems so long ago, seems so short, but how when we were there for two weeks, five cities, endless nights and best time of my life and all the memories they’re all fading from me this isn’t good i don’t want it to fade please stop
but i don’t want to think of it either or try to recall things i’ve forgotten because it’ll only make me sadder and because i need to move on, it was fun to say the absolute least but i have more life to live and why am i always thinking back to tour, at least what i can remember of it over a year later, and dwelling in my nostalgia when i should just be happy that it happened and move the fuck on
i’m stuck in the middle and not sure where i should go or if i really want to move
i can’t let it go and i can’t hold on
why is this such a big deal it was two weeks over a year ago, there’s a part of me that’s happy and grateful for tour but there’s an even bigger part of me that is nostalgic and sad, and the latter is so overwhelming that it makes me wonder if it was all even worth it
but of course it was, i just wish i could be thankful and move on rather than desperately cling to the past
no wait i wish i could relive it all or even just remember more things, like if it was such a big impact on me why the fuck can’t i remember how the time was even spent, it just seems wrong
i keep going in circles you see, and i’ve been on the same track since july 2011, where do i go from here?
if you read this i’m sorry, it makes no sense and it turned out much longer than i originally intended
goodnight, now that i’m all wound up and stuck
My dad booked our trip to Mexico so that we leave on June 16, which I just found out is the date of sjys’s 60th anniversary concert and I told my parents and my mom was like “oh shit! Oh well” and I’m like what the fuck these people and this organization are literally the best things in my life and this concert in June is the last time I’ll EVER play with them, and I probably won’t see most of the people very often after this year, if ever again, people always drift after high school and this is the best thing in my life without question, with the best people and the best music and the idea that we’re preserving classical music, which most people our age find boring when in reality some of these compositions are just truly mind blowing and those that aren’t are still amazing and we actually are privileged with playing them, paying tribute to these genius composers and I don’t ever want to have to leave sjys but I’ve already accepted it as inevitable so I’ve come to terms with it, but missing the 60th anniversary concert? I don’t think I could handle that we’re playing Berlioz’s symphonie fantastique and rachmaninoff’s piano concerto no 2 and it’s just such a landmark concert let alone my last one with the orchestra that I’ve been a part of for eight years now, it’s such a huge part of my life and it’s hard enough leaving it already I can’t miss the last concert, I can’t I can’t my dad was like what the fuck now I have to rebook our trip, which I’m not even sure is possible but god I hope so fuck this whole rant probably doesn’t make sense I’m just freaking the fuck out fuck
but it was awesome because
- 4th and 5th movements of Symphonie Fantastique are THE BEST.
- saw my niqqas (christine, april, chris, rizzie, etc.) for the first time in forever.
- made the face at yarrrr. it was worth it.
- llama adaptation to the 5th movement ohoho
LOL faces at each other every few minutes… but then you moved and alan’s fat head was in the way.. & that weird chipmunk face at yair (then he gets that taken aback expression on his face) “what was that?” LOL. aaaand FETHTIVITIETH with theeee (hopefully not too intense) sjys boys to come ♥ they left empty beer cans on top of my car, i’m not sure what the point of that was..HEHEHE YAYAY too bad we’re not out with our “niqqas” right now )= stupid driving curfew
WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE.
oh god the world hates me and wants me to drown in my nostalgia
i love this piece so so so so much, especially because we sang it as an encore in europe. SANG IT.
SIGH I LOVE SJYS SO MUCH…. ♥
the people the music yair bitching at us oh so endearingly awkward silence why aren’t we starting oh i am supposed to start lul uhm yar can we please take the tempo down a bit i think i am about to have a stroke uh yes i was just about to say that cause i am about…
….there really are no words. everyone who was there understands this, and i’ve thoroughly annoyed everyone else with constant references to europe, so there’s a lot that can be said/relived, but these posts are just nostalgia :) i miss it all.. like i haven’t said that enough times already